The Dating Dilemma
So… I went on a date… well actually I went on a few dates. And to ease all of your minds, they all went great, I stayed within COVID regulations, and I think it’s safe to say that I have yet to meet my husband. Interestingly enough, I have come to realize that all first dates seem to run like clockwork. You ask the same questions, give the same responses, cover all the same topics, and ultimately pretend like your having a good time. The first dates in my mind are kinda like an interview. You wanna ask all the same questions in order to compare their responses to the other candidates to decide which one best suits how you perceive your future. You want to get deep enough, but not too deep to scare them away. For me at least, this means finding out their future career goals, family background, perception of life, bucket list items… the list goes on. However, sometimes you forget that you are also being interviewed as well, and just as you are trying to picture how this person would fit into your life, they are doing the same with you. Of course, just like clockwork, the topic of how I intend on becoming a physician one day is always brought up. To my surprise, candidate 1's response to my intended career goal was not being in awe or impressed with my obvious intellect and ambitious goals, but instead skipped all that and asked, “So… how are you gonna have kids” (Yes my jaw dropped).
Shocked by his response, I went straight into defense mode and started pulling out facts found in my research literally on the topic of women having children while being a doctor. While trying to educate this man that women can work and have a family, I couldn’t help but feel a little offended. I asked myself… if I were a man, would you have asked me this question? How come the first thought that came to your mind was my ability to have children? Am I somehow written off as incapable of having a family just because I am choosing to enter a high-demanding career????? It almost seemed as though my wanting to have a successful career was a turn-off/dealbreaker if that meant I couldn’t “stay home and take care of the kids”. And lastly, this is the first date! Why am I having to convince you that a life with me could still work with my intended career? But I guess to be fair, I am on an interview too.
So, that was candidate 1, which I thought was just a fluke that he went straight to the kids' question right after I told him I wanna be a doctor. But to my surprise once again, EVERY SINGLE date asked the SAME question RIGHT AFTER I told them I wanna be a doctor! I can’t help but laugh at my disbelief that men’s minds, when finding out a woman wants to work, instantly goes to figuring out how they are going to have children. The irony of it all is also so crazy to me because I recently wrote an entire research paper talking about how difficult it is for women to be a mother and a physician. In a way, I am happy that men are curious to know how the process will work, and that I am educating them that it is possible with having the knowledge to back it up from my research. Gender mindsets indeed are evolving and I am happy to be a part of the change by expanding the mindsets of these men, that women can work and be successful mothers. For when people ask questions, a window of opportunity for learning and progression is opened, and instead of taking offense to the correlation of my career and being a mother, I will continue spreading the word that mommy doctors are badass and you should most defiantly wife them!
